Ketchup Wars

Two weeks ago, Chris, Brian & I were at Chili’s for lunch. Brian was in a pouty mood because he doesn’t like Chili’s. It’s not my favorite either, but it was convenient while we were running around doing errands. Well, Brian was sitting there and his mood was getting worse and worse. Chris in an attempt to be funny, aims the ketchup bottle at Brian and says (jokingly), “Dude, snap out of your mood, or I’ll squirt this ketchup all over you”. Brian gives the big eye roll (I have no idea where he learned that one from). Then Chris squeezed the ketchup bottle thinking that just a little dribble would drop on the table and thus making Brian laugh. Have you ever noticed how much pressure is really in a full squeezable bottle of ketchup? Let me tell you…a forceful stream of ketchup blasted Brian in the chest all the way across the table. Chris starts busting up, Brian instantly has tears in his eyes, I (at first) started to laugh until I heard someone say, “That dad just shot ketchup all over his kid!!”, then I was mortified that other people saw! I then tried to clean up Brian (of course he was wearing his favorite WHITE shirt); then I turned on Chris and said, “what the hell is wrong with you!!”. At this point he's laughing so hard that he can’t even speak. I grab Brian’s hand and flee for the car. Once Chris composed himself, he apologized to Brian and said that Brian can get him back at any time with no repercussions. It took Brian a few hours to get over the incident and then he started plotting with his brother as to when would be the best time to get Chris back. Life returned to normal.

Flash forward two weeks, we’re having hamburgers at home and actually eating at the dinner table like a picture perfect family (ha!). Chris had a rough day, a sore throat, and he was in a pissy mood (shocking, I know!). During dinner, Brian raises the bottle of ketchup and looks at me and raises his eyebrows (translation: Can I get Dad back now, or are you going to get mad at me if I do?) I mouthed back to him, “later”. Usually when I say “maybe”, or “later” to my kids, I really have no intention of allowing them to do what they asked. I just don’t want to deal with the situation right then and usually the kids forget and don’t ask again (Yes, I know! My kids will be in therapy when they’re 30!).

Well, “later” to Brian this time was when we were clearing the dishes. He turned from the refrigerator with the ketchup bottle in hand, took aim, and shot Chris with ketchup in the chest.

Brian took one look at Chris’ face and bolted out of the kitchen screaming, “Dad you said I could get you back!” I grabbed my camera, shot a few pictures, looked at Chris’ face and then I bolted out of the kitchen! Chris started laughing and immediately started plotting his revenge.

I have to say that Brian had more ketchup on his shirt than Chris did. So in all fairness, Brian deserves another shot. Next time, make sure that the ketchup bottle is full, okay Bri? And make sure that you have your running shoes on.